so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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