I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
