Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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