I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
