I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
