Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
