Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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