Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
