I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My bed smells like the plague
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
