When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
