i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need water and some morals
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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