The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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