Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
