I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
