You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
