ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
