My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
