the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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