Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
