it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
