so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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