Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
