saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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