I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
