I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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