accomplished twins. life is a go
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
