you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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