what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
