If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
