Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
