the condom got lost in my hair
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
