I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
