Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
