I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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