i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
