So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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