Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
