I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
