The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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