You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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