Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
