While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
