idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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