Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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