he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Damn victory sex feels great
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
