I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
