She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
