Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
