Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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