No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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