two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
