There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
